Bittersweet

I recently checked out a book at our library titled "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist. The tag line is "thoughts on change, grace, and learning the hard way." I think it's funny how God can bring people or even books into our lives just when we need them.

I came across "Bittersweet" months ago, maybe even the first of the year, on a blog and checked at our library but had no luck. Later, I checked again and they finally had the book, but of course, the copy was lost. A couple of weeks ago, I was looking for a John Piper book and there it sat, just a few books over.

I didn't know much about the book except it had a picture of chocolate on the cover and it was a "girly" book. Can't go wrong with that right? When I began reading, I stayed very confused because each chapter was it's own topic and she would jump around to different times in her life. Finally, I realized it was a collection of essays, almost like reading a very well written blog.

She writes from a Christian perspective and covers a myriad of topics: job loss, moving, death, motherhood, marriage, and friendship.

There is a chapter titled "the closer you get" that reminds me so much of our move from Brenham. The night before we moved, we had dinner with our best friends and when we said goodbye, well...it was not pretty. My friend Karla and I were a hugging blubbering mess which set off a chain reaction of kids crying and I think the guys even got a little emotional. So Karla, if you ever read this book, that chapter is for you :)

What really caught me off guard while reading was her miscarriage. Shauna had a molar pregnancy after her first child and she writes openly about the loss. This is the first book I have read where I could relate and felt like the author had crawled inside my head.

I think it is such a God thing that I am entering the time of the year when we started the whole process and I am reading this book. So far, reading it has almost been like therapy for me. I will forever associate September and October with bad ultrasounds and miscarriages. I know I shouldn't, but I do. Please don't misunderstand and think that I am about to enter some great dark depression; I'm not planning to. I am in a much better place then I was a year and for sure two years ago. I am at peace and have truly accepted my circumstances. I just might be a little more reflective the next couple of weeks.

In the prologue she writes:

Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuances, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy.

Don't you wish you could write like her? I love that.

I highly recommend you read this book. I am not quite finished, so I can't vouch for the whole book.

Haiti in Photos

We worshiped here Sunday morning. Our church is helping to rebuild; this is their temporary building.

This is the original. There are huge cracks in the walls and ceiling inside from the earthquake.

The main Catholic church I think, in Port. I was inside the tap-tap and we were not allowed out to take pics. The area was not very safe. The destruction was unreal. For a better pic, click here.

Presidential palace.
Port au Prince overlook. Do you see the sea in the background?

VBS fun.

The next group of pictures are from Wings of Hope, the special needs orphanage. This is Josephine. She can speak English, Creole, and French.

Velner enjoying his pipe cleaner glasses.

Morillo, she is either 5 or 7 years old and weighed about 15 pounds. This was a hard moment for all of us.

Mamute. She cracked me up. Mamute could not speak but loved to laugh.

This is Belinda and I found out last Friday she passed away. She was 5 years old and weighed about 20 pounds as well. She loved to be held and would smile when you called her name.

Steve!! He pretended that he didn't speak English. We had a blast with Steve.

I cannot remember his name but he would grab your arm and almost run off with you. He loved to hold our hands and help.

Crash, lol!

The wheel chair ramps from the second floor. Very scary!!

We just fed these guys peanut butter cookies and they loved them!!

I helped fix their lunch. Yum-O :)

The ladies bathroom at the Village of Canez: a burned out tractor trailer container. They were pretending :)

Our bathroom guard.

Praying over a family in the village.

This mother had ten children. When we walked up, she was trying to nurse the baby in her arms. I remember praying for her health, family, and that her milk would flow abundantly.

Filling bags with pinto beans to pass out.

Bags of tomato paste and sardines. Apparently, they love this combination.

Cuties. The girl is named Luna.

The brackish lake that the village is next to. They were banned from shrimping and fishing in the lake because of bacteria. Just one more thing to make life painfully difficult for these people.

My favorite picture from the trip. Luna was hiding and I caught her.

Ladies returning to the village after a day of work in the town market about an hour's walk away.

A widow's house that our team built. Richard worked on this team. That's her below.

"So, how was Haiti?"

I've been asked this question a lot over the past month and a half. I never know how to answer and have put off writing about it for as long as I can. Every time I sit down to write, I'm not even sure where to begin, how to verbalize, or even what all to tell. This post may be a bit all over the place, so please bear with me.

How was Haiti this year? It was different. The trip was awesome and I wish I was there right now. This year was different in the way that I kind of knew what to expect and what I could ready myself for. I was more at ease in the surroundings. It was different because I wasn't such an emotional wreck like I was last year. This time I was able to use some of my specific skills and talents like working with special needs children. I deepened friendships and really got to know team members. It was also different in the sense that I found myself standing back and observing others more often. Another huge way the trip was different from last year was that I did not get sick! Hooray!!

The first thing I noticed was my reaction at the airport. The Port au Prince airport can be very overwhelming, intimidating, and crowded. Last year, I was convinced that I wasn't even going to make it out and to our transportation. To put it mildly, I was freaked out. This year, I experienced the opposite. I was one of the first team members to get through immigration, so when our leader Brent saw me, he gave me a cart and instructed me to get to the other side, stake out an area, and try to get suitcases. This would be very simple in an American airport, not so much in PAP. I had to be very aggressive, assertive, tell Haitian men "no thank you", and shove my way through a sea of insanity. As my sister in law would say, I had to wear my "big girl panties."If you know me, then you know that assertive and aggressive is not my natural personality. At one point, when I was standing alone on the other side of the airport waiting for team members to start arriving, I smiled and thought "if only my mom could see me now." She's not a big fan of her daughter treking off to Haiti. She doesn't even like it when I tell her I went to the big bad city of Houston alone. Anyways, back to my point. My point is that I realized very early on the trip that I felt more comfortable and at ease then last year.

The poverty is still very shocking. But on a positive note, there seemed to be progress around the city. I noticed that many streets had signs, some of the tent cities that I remember from last year were smaller, and I think more roads and streets were open/cleared. However, there is still so much to be done!! More then we can even imagine.

We returned to the village of Canez. Last year, almost all the children had red hair from malnutrition. After a year of BGM working with this village, almost all the red hair is gone and the people are getting healthier. They are having regular Bible study and I believe a pastor is coming out once a week. This is huge for this village. I love going to this village and praying with the people. They are so sweet and their faith in Christ is inspiring.

Something new I did on this trip was working at Wings of Hope, a special needs orphanage. I really should write a separate post about this experience because there is so much to say. It was rewarding to spend two days there because my degree is in special ed. and I was able to use my "skills". Not that you have to have skills to love on people but I think you know what I am trying to say. I'm not an engineer, home builder, nurse, translator, or even a swim instructor (yes, we had one in our group and she gave the orphans lessons). So it was very cool that I found my niche on the trip. The clients at this orphanage range from mild to severe and the conditions are not ideal, but they are loved on unconditionally and in the name of Christ.

Finally, I think what made this trip so different from last year are two little boys and their forever family's waiting on them. We have two families, Estes and Coffey, at our church who are adopting from the orphanage that we stayed at. The Estes family met Vensly during last year's trip and are awaiting the final steps to complete their adoption. The Coffey family began the process this year and met their son Betson for the first time on this trip. For lack of a better description, it was very cool and an honor to be a part of the Coffey's meeting Betson and watching them spend their week together. But at the same time, my heart broke everyday thinking about the goodbye's that would be said at the end of the week and the waiting that they all would endure in the coming months. And then there was Vensly. On our second day, I found little V and ended up getting him to sleep. I spent awhile sitting on a couch just letting the little guy sleep on my chest, but finally decided he needed to stretch out in his bed. When I went to his bed I saw a picture of our friends hanging in his crib so he can see their sweet faces all the time. The moment I saw this photo, the tears began to flow. They fell for V, his forever parents Mark and Lesley, and his biological parents. At that moment, the good and bad of adoption became very real and in my face. I was overwhelmed by the love, patience, and faith that adoptive families have and by what these beautiful children have endured in their very short lives.

Anyways, this post has become long and I am running out of blogging time. If you want to see what we did, check out our church's trip video here. If you want to hear personal testimonies, including yours truly, click here and listen to our Haiti service. I will try to post personal pics next week.

Matt's Creation

Like I said in my previous post, Legos are the thing in our house. If you have a Lego loving child,then you probably have a free subscription to Lego Jr. magazine. Every issue has a building contest for ages 6 and under. But, you want my opinion, I think it is a contest for the parents.

In this past issue the theme was food. There were pictures of kids 6 and under with very detailed and well scaled creations including sushi, a steak dinner, and a 4 course meal. Who knows, maybe some of the winners are building geniuses but I have my doubts. I could climb really high on my soap box right now, but I will refrain.

Anyways, my point is that Matt decided to enter this month's contest: a Lego robot. In my unbiased motherly opinion, I think he should win :) His creation looks like something a very imaginative 6 year old made, not his parents. If you know my son, then you know he definitely does not lack imagination!