I heard from my doctor Friday afternoon and sadly, the news was not good.  I have a blighted ovum which is when there is conception, the pregnancy sac forms, but because of chromosomal abnormalities, a baby does not develop.  It's very strange because the body thinks that it is pregnant and will carry on with the normal pregnancy symptoms until it eventually miscarries.  Since this is our third miscarriage, my doctor has recommended that we have genetic testing done. 
 
Please continue to pray for us, especially as we begin testing and learn what our options are.  Also, we have not told Matt yet and I would greatly appreciate your prayers in this area.  I think this is what breaks my heart the most because he is so excited and I am just not sure how to tell him.  Pray that God would give us the words to share with our son. 

My new favorite song

At the moment I have no news to report. The ultrasound tech did not tell us anything, but that was expected. I am hoping the dr.'s office calls in the morning to give us the news.

Changing the subject, I heard a great new song today on the radio. I don't know how new the song is but it was new to our station. It's by J. J. Heller and called "Your Hands". If you listen to KSBJ then you probably heard it this morning; it's generating a lot of buzz.

Here are the lyrics:


I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

Here is a link to hear the song. Hope you enjoy.

Tomorrow

We go back for our second ultrasound in the morning. It's been two weeks and I have not had any negative symptoms. Praise the Lord!

I think the Thursday that followed my first ultrasound was my breaking point. The first few days following the u/s I spent having anxiety attacks every time I turned around. I prayed constantly for God to grant me peace. I debated on asking my doctor for a blood test to check my hormone levels but finally decided against it.

Friday, peace finally settled over me and I felt like God was saying "wait on me, I will take care of you." Truthfully, it's like I literally heard that in my head on Friday. I think some people thought I was crazy for not asking for the blood test but I really felt like I didn't need to get it done. As I thought about the baby and all the "what-ifs", I finally came to the conclusion that God was in control and whatever happened was His will and that was all I could ask for. As a Christian, what more could I really want?? (Easier said then done of course.)

I also know that I have many friends and family praying for us and I know that is another reason why I feel the way I do now.

I hope this has made sense because I am exhausted. I have wanted to write this for a couple of days but we had to make an unexpected trip to Brenham for a dear friend's funeral and I have been playing catch up for the past couple of days. I feel very positive about tomorrow but am still nervous. Please keep us in your prayers tomorrow and I will let you know something as soon as I can.

First Astros Game

A couple of weeks ago we went to our very first Astros game. One of Richard's co worker's gave us free tickets. This was very helpful since we spent an arm and a leg on food.

Isn't he cute? Matt's Astros outfit was a hand-me-down from a neighbor. We actually had people rolling down their windows when we were walking to the ballpark to tell us how cute he was!

In the Kid's Zone there was a game where you could race against this cardboard cutout who was on a moving track. I'm not sure that description made any sense but it's the best I can do.

Go Matt go! He looks like a speeding bullet right? He took the challenge very serious.

This is the famous Minute Maid Park train. If it has an actual name, I have no clue what it is.This might have been Matt's favorite part of the game. Every time we hit a home run the train would blow it's horn and chug down the track. It was very cool.

I can't refuse a good picture of Lance Berkman's backside.

Here he is at the bat. I think he was just about the only one who hit the ball that night. They played the Cardinals and we got creamed.

Matt could not understand why he could not bat. He kept asking me when it was his turn and every time I told him he could not go down he would say "but Mom, I have my uniform on!!" Considering how bad they lost, I don't think it would have hurt anything.

This Week

The past four days have been so difficult. I try so hard to stay busy and think of other things, but I find the majority of my thoughts are about the baby. I cannot get the statement, "empty sac", out of my brain. I am clinging to the hope of just being early and the ultrasound not being able to pick up anything but my human fears and worries get the best of me.

If I would have never experienced the two miscarriages, I don't think this would faze me all that much. You know the old expression, ignorance is bliss. However, one of the two miscarriages was called a blighted ovum and that is when you have an empty gestational sac but your body continues to think you are pregnant and you continue with the normal symptoms until you finally miscarry.

I find myself in constant conversation with God, praying for peace and comfort. It's so true that when you are struggling the most is when you are most intimate with God. I can look back over my Christian walk and see this and for sure, now.